Sin and Sinner

The sky was clear, everything is set. I stepped out from my room to go to my grandma house. There's several equipment i need to return after my camp. Everything look the same, the UTM buildings, the sky, the traffic and everything. However, my heart feel so unrest. There's something missing, something is not right.. but what is it? I reached the bus stop, ders several girls there, but i dun care although they speak quite loud. There's something bigger i need to settle, something that puzzled in my heart.

After i bought my bus ticket, i saw a crazy person. He kept smiling although he's insane, is he happy to live that way? Although i looked at him with "eww" in my mind, but i still gave a second thought about wat defines happiness. i took that chance to look deep inside myself, what is the reason for my un-easy-ness. I did found a clue but yet an answer.. it was my own restriction..

I went up another bus, this time, rapidkl. I sat down on d chair, and try to relax myself.. until my eyes suddenly catched a figure of old chinese lady.. i wonder why nobody offered their seat to her? She must b in vain now.. so, i decided to give up my seat and let her have it. Just after she sat down, i felt like i have done d right thing, my heart jumped for joy. And when i heard she said "thank you", it feels better than someone gave you rm 1000 for free.

When i stood up, i could clearly see everything happened in that bus, from some couples in school uniform flirting in d back of d bus to the small kids on their moms lap. Those kids was so innocent. Their eyes sparkled like jewels, it reminds me of myself when i was young.. however, my eyes now have a dark look, it didn't shine.. i wonder why.. is it because i am a sinner? this is when i remember everything bad i did in the past, the flashback happened not more than a few seconds but it feels like a few minutes. I know why i feel unrest now.. it is because i'm acting in a different way than my normal self.. for that i have found the answer, i feel a lot at ease..

I took a closer look into a boy eyes, there's nothing evil there, i could feels sincerity and pureness from him. i could let my guard down for a while. Seriously, when i'm living in this world, i have to keep my guards on although it really is tiring to do it. I just wish for a place that i could live happily and nothing to worry about but i guess it wont come true.. cos wherever there's prosperity, an evil entity want to have a piece of it too.. if i cant have it in d real world, at least i could have it in my self.